Some Enterprising Young Man
Just Tried To Put The Arm On My Tips

I'm going to post his Mug Shot all over Creation.
That right chap is going to be Making Big Ones Into Little Ones.

Michael David Crawford, Baritone

Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Immediately before that he tried to snatch a five-spot from someone's hand, but that quick-thinking fellow shoved his hand - and his five - in his pocket.

I grabbed that Enterprising Young Man around his neck while he was still leaning down then patiently and lucidly explained that "I'm calling the cops unless you give that back!"

I once studied Judo, a purely defensive martial art, which even when used in Production only rarely injures one's attacker.

He dropped my Samoleons, I let him go then he belted me right in the head, so hard that I saw the world spin round. I was dizzy for several minutes after.

Get This:

"I was doing you a favor! I could have traded that money for more money."

Yet I remain skeptical.

He claimed that he acted in his own self-defense despite my not having injured him in any way, and despite my having let go before he punched me. In the direct presence of a whole bunch of witnesses, he repeatedly and falsely asserted that I'd punched him first.

He Damn near got Tazered by a helpful bystander who was just on his way to collect donations for The Salvation Army.

ProTip: Don't Mess With The Salvation Army.

I called 9-1-1 whilst he and I were still arguing but realized the Dispatcher was losing precious time so I gave her my report, my name and my number.

By the time I got off the phone he'd walked out of sight but I gave the Dispatcher quite a good visual description. It was not long at all before a Prowler drove expeditiously past, it's driver and and I exchanging smiles and thumbs up.

Officer Hubbard of the Portland Police Bureau turned up next. He asked Mr. Salvation Army for a quick witness report then the Officer had him write down his name and number in his notebook.

After I gave him a more detailed report, Officer Hubbard took my own name, number and home address.

"If you capture him, I will enthusiastically press charges because..."

"I know. These guys even hit Nordstrom sometimes" - I was singing right in front of its main entrance in Downtown Portland - "and the cafes".

I told all the witnesses that "After I chill for a bit I'll resume singing" but was still so shaken after Portland's Finest departed that I walked back to work. I just ate lunch, and I really will go back out then sing in front of Nordstrom again.

As of late I've been opening with "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" but for the foreseeable future I'll open instead with "Battle Hymn Of The Republic".

That particular song works quite well for me.


Michael David Crawford, Baritone